Life is always throwing challenges at us.  When things get a bit too much, we like to imagine that there will be a time in the future when everything is where we want it to be, and then we'll be happy. 

Have you ever stopped to notice those people who always seem to be happy in spite of whatever might be going on and wonder how they do it? Chances are, they don't stress about everything and they take life in their stride.  That's their secret.  

'Oh but I'm not one of those people' is frequently the rebuttal to this observation.  While being like that might come naturally to some, finding happiness now rather than at some never-to-be point in the future relies entirely on a change of attitude.  Notably, shifting focus from what isn't going well to what is.  That's what being positive is about.

Positivity is cultivated moment by moment.  It has nothing to do with forcing a smile when you're feeling down.  Acknowledge and accept that some things aren't how you'd like them, but straight after that, look at the good things in your life.  Write them down.  Stare at the list.  Appreciate.  Always make it your top priority to feel better now.

If you feel that there is nothing good to focus on, then you need to spend more time imagining what you'd like your life to be and feel good about that.  Expect positive change and it will come, just do it with excitement and anticipation.

 

Too often, when we decide to make positive changes, we tend to start with the external: clearing up the clutter at home, doing more exercise, changing jobs, signing up for a course, etc.  And these are all worthy actions especially if they are needed.  As long as we don't neglect the driving force behind it all: our mind.

The point is this: our external, physical, tangible lives and our internal, emotional, psychological ones are undoubtedly linked and symbiotic.  However, creation of the external starts with our thoughts and our emotions.  What is around us is only a reflection of what we think, and in particular, what we feel.

Clearing up mental clutter is about being aware of our emotions and about always ensuring we are in control of our mind.  The mind is a funny creature.  It bases itself on the past and mostly on fear.  In order to grow and be whatever it is we would like to be, we have to learn how to control the mind and not let it run amok. 

Doing that can be as simple as this:

1. Recognise a thought that is fearful and false as soon as it arises
2. Saying 'that's a load of ****' to it and stopping it dead in its tracks

Over the years, while attending personal development workshops, there has been a recurring theme to a question from people attending to the teacher or facilitator.  It is usually focused on the technique of empowerment being taught or discussed, be it about the law of attraction, or creative visualisation or whatever else.  And the subject is usually 'would this technique work if used by someone in a country facing war or starvation'.  

I can understand that concern.  After all, most of us care about suffering in other parts of the world and would like to see it stop.  At some point however, we have to come to the realisation that changing the world doesn't start with ending suffering on the other side of the planet.  It starts with each and every one of us.  

Once we sort out our own lives, we get into the best position to help others.  Yes, we can live a 'selfless' life of giving everything up for a great cause.  That is very honourable, certainly.  However, giving up is not what the world needs, regardless how honorable the intention. 

 

 

In life, we rarely have the luxury of going through a challenging situation while also understanding what positive impact it may be having on our self-development.

Most of us don't actively seek our personal growth.  Rather, we wait till we hit a challenge and then adjust.  One thing we can do in that situation, instead of assuming falsely that some external force is trying to teach us a lesson, is to stop and ask: 'what is this situation showing me?'

Ultimately, whether we see the whole picture now or later, we can chose whether or not to apply the knowledge we gained from it.  That is what sets wisdom apart from knowledge.

 

Believing in yourself doesn't come with an instruction manual.  It's something many of us have to learn when we feel least able to: while going through a crisis of confidence.  During such a phase, people around you might say 'just believe in yourself'.  What does that really mean and how do you do it when you feel low?  Here are five ways that I have found helpful:

• Recall at least one achievement. While going through a challenging time, it's easy to forget past accomplishments.  Focus on those, however small you might think they are.  Get back in touch with the satisfaction you felt.

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It seems that our 21st century pace of life should come with a health warning.  In these times of economic instability many feel they are being stretched further at work than they already were.  While stress means different things to different people, the main symptoms are:

• Noticeable changes in appetite
• Poor concentration, irritability
• Bad sleep patterns
• Not being able to relax

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The last couple of years or so have undoubtedly taken their toll on many people, financially as well as emotionally.  We are now paying a big price for many years of careless spending, on a personal, national and international scale.

From a personal development perspective, over-spending is symptomatic of lack of balance, of seeking meaningful satisfaction from material things.  No one is denying that buying a nice car or redecorating the house adds to quality of life.  But focusing solely on material gain will most certainly not bring happiness in the long run.  If it did, we would have been one of the most joyous nations on Earth prior to the recession.

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'From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.' Chief Joseph

Maybe the surrender speech by the chief of the Nez Pierce in 1877 is still moving today because it is full of dignity as well as pain.

Sometimes it is painful to admit defeat but we have to do it nevertheless as continuing down the same path is simply not viable.

According to research conducted by UCL last year, there is a link between eating more processed foods and depression, which is itself a trigger for emotional eating.  So, we comfort eat because we're depressed and bored, and quite often consume something that makes us feel like **** physically, then psychologically, and thus we create a vicious circle without realising it.

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